Learning to Deal.

Sometimes it's really difficult for me to enter back into the “real world.” I spend my days (and sometimes nights) working for a cause that I believe in. I sometimes spend almost 24/7 working for and living in community with these children and youth that might not have opportunities in life otherwise. People continuously tell me that I work too hard and need to slow down. However, as I see it, I only have a limited about of time on this earth and I'm going to spend every second that I can giving all that I can to the cause that I believe in most. Unfortunately, this also means that I get a little too wrapped up in life in Florida City. Whenever I leave and go home or even go to visit friends in other places, I realize that's not the reality for anyone else. They don't live in community with others. They don't share all they have and fight and love and live with their coworkers and the kids they serve. (And, believe me, I'm not trying to be on a soap box here – most of the time I don't do any of this well.) However, when I do leave the FLC and go to other people's houses, I'm much more conscious about how they spend their money. Not that what they do is wrong, it's just drastically different from my reality. I am constantly surrounded by people who are working in the Florida heat picking okra or tomatoes just to make a few dollars so they can put food on their tables for their children. I can't be surrounded by that extreme poverty and be irresponsible with my money. I can no longer pour money into meaningless things like pedicures, high end vacuum cleaners, Kindles, or shoes that I may or may not wear more than once. (Not to say that I don't pour my money into other useless things like Itunes music, plane tickets, and the oh-so-necessary Starbucks.) However, every time I enter the “real world,” so to speak, I have to learn and re-learn how to deal with these issues. I can't look down at everyone else and pretend like I have it all figured out and that other people aren't using their money responsibly. However, I also can't condone spending money the way I see some people spending it. I don't think that one way is right and the other is wrong, but it's been a very hard thing for me to deal with the past few months. It's a daily struggle to see the ways that this job has changed my life and to try to deal with my past.

Enough is a Feast.

After being in Florida City for two years, I would have thought that some things would stop surprising me. I would have thought that I would be used to some things by now. However, there are days when I am still caught off guard by the little things that surround my everyday life in Florida City. One of these “little things” is the concept of generosity and sharing. I grew up in a home where I was taught to share at an early age. However, I am also becoming increasingly aware of that fact that I grew up as the spoiled baby of the family. Often times, my sister, who is four years older than me, would just cave and give me whatever I wanted simply to avoid a scene. Plus, with only two kids in the family, sharing is pretty easy. My sister and I would share toys, chores, beds, and food when we were younger and now we share clothes, accessories, friends, and taste in books and movies among other things. (Just not beds...I apparently kick and steal covers...)

Sharing is not hard. We are taught from an early age that we have to share. If you don't share, you're a rude kid and often punished. So, it's not a foreign concept – to anyone. However, the way it is done in Florida City is completely different from anything else that I have ever witnessed. When I was in middle school, my mom made me take my lunch to school everyday. She would buy healthy foods like bananas and peanut butter and fruit leather for me to pack in a cute lunch box and take to school. Now, I am thankful for these habits she instilled in me. However, in middle school, I was mortified. Everyone else bought their lunch and ate french fries and other various fried foods. I wanted nothing more than to eat these fried things. So, every day, I would ask my friends for them to share their french fries. And, most of the time they would. Sometimes, they would get fed up with me being a mooch. (Obviously appropriate...) However, on the off chance that my mother would let me buy lunch, I would buy my own french fries. And when my friends would ask me to share, I'd refuse. It's like I would completely forget their daily generosities and just get greedy.

This is what I think it's like for a lot of upper-middle class kids. (Which I would absolutely fall into the category of...) They expect everyone else to share, but then when it's their time to share, they don't want to. I think it's even the mindset of some adults, as well. However, in Florida City, they have adapted to their environment – they have discovered a way to survive. It's called sharing. It's a shocking concept, really. Apparently, when you have something that other people want, you give it to them. In fact, you offer it to them – you don't have to wait for them to ask. This happens in the smallest of instances at Branches and in Florida City. On a student's birthday, one of our volunteers always brings in a pack of gum as a gift. When they receive this gift, the very first thing this child will do is rip it open and give everyone in the room a piece. Let me tell you, at the age of 6, if I got a pack of gum, the first thing I would have done would have been run to my room, stuff six pieces in my mouth at once and then hide it under my mattress so my sister wouldn't get any.

I took a few of our youth out to eat at Wendy's last week as a “thank you” for their volunteer help at Summer Shade. There were 5 of them and I told them they could get whatever they wanted (first problem...) At first, I was kind of upset because between the five of them they ended up spending $60! (My fault for not giving them a limit...) But, just as I was conjuring up the “don't be so greedy” lecture in my head, I realized they were only eating half of their food – some of them only ate about a quarter of it. That's when I started to realize what was going on. They packed up the majority of their food to take home to their little brothers and sisters. That incident really got me thinking. If we had even an ounce of the generosity that these children have, our world would be completely different. Instead of everyone trying to be the best and have the most, we would share what we have been blessed with. And not because we're asked to – because we want to. Because we genuinely care about the welfare of others. Sometimes the troubles of our government, the politics of the church and workplace can really get me down. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the general hopelessness that I see on the television and read about in the paper. However, then something like this happens and I see these tiny glimpses of hope in this next generation and my faith is restored and I know that every little thing is gonna be alright.

Rejuvenation.

re·ju·ve·nate \ri-ˈjü-və-ˌnāt\

To restore to a former state; make fresh or new again.

“I am about to do something new. It is beginning to happen even now. Don't you see it coming? I am going to make a way for you to go through the desert. I will make streams of water in the dry and empty land.” - Isaiah 43:19

Camp OASIS is meant as a time for our kids to get out of their homes and current miserable situations and have a time to experience these "streams in the desert." However, what is often overlooked is that it’s also a time for the adults to have similar experiences. The last night of OASIS, there was a worship service that was so full of energy and God that it was really indescribable. I will let this short clip speak for itself:

That experience began the break down process of the spiritual blockades I had been feeling in my life. After Camp OASIS, I traveled with a friend up to North Carolina. I was able to reconnect with friends I had not seen in about ten years. It was a time of getting to know each other all over again. We are both people trying to navigate this world of ministry, being strong women, wanting to make a difference, constantly wondering about our own spirituality, where the church is headed as a whole, and where we fit into it all. It was a weekend filled with great conversation, great, laughter, and great tears. On Saturday, we traveled up to a town called Blowing Rock. As I sat looking out on this view:

I thought, “is this the kingdom of Heaven?” ...it certainly looks like it to me. But, as I began mulling over and talking over this philosophy, I realized it is not. At least, not for me. Although it was surely the most beautiful scenery I have seen in a long while, I was reminded of the passage from Luke12:34: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Even though I had a great love for each and every person in that mountain town and even though I had some of the best company I could have ever asked for, I was finally able to reach my point of rejuvenation. I was able to come to the conclusion that while this scenery was incredible, I believe the Kingdom of Heaven lies in Florida City, because that is where both my heart and treasure lie. Sometimes being able to take two steps back and look at the work I am doing from up on the mountain top, I am able to travel back into the valley to continue my work, rejuvenated and transformed, just as my children were from their “mountain top” experience at OASIS.

Where is your treasure?

OASIS prayers

I first want to say thank you for your support of my ministry in South Florida! We are doing good down here - managing the heat while the rest of the country is hoping for an end to winter! Programming is coming along quite nicely as the first month in our new building has flown by. We have been able to expand what we offer for our youth group - girls and boys fitness classes, more tutoring time, the addition of a computer lab, ACT/SAT/GED/FCAT (Florida's standardized test) study courses, paper making (a skill that one of our employees possesses and shared with our kiddos so they could start up their own business) and so much more! We are really growing, moving, and shaking now! Right now is spring break time, so we have an abundance of college groups coming to help out on mission trips.

So, the main update is that GOD IS GOOD!!

The main reason, however, for writing this email is to ask for your prayers. On Sunday, we leave for four days to take all 74 of our youth to camp OASIS. OASIS camp is the camp that we put on for our kids during Spring Break. It is an incredible opportunity for them to encounter the living God and have radical experiences that often change their lives. When you ask the youth what their favorite part of Branches is, 10 out of 10 of them will answer camp OASIS. We chose the name "oasis" for the symbolism of an oasis in the desert. For so many of our youth, this is their time to get away from all their troubles. They get out of their crazy home situations, they get away from their friends who aren't the best influences for them, they get to leave Florida City and travel to the wilderness and spend the nights in cabins - where they have their own beds. They also get to do "crazy" things like archery, hiking, canoeing, swimming, and play in the great outdoors. If you can't tell, OASIS is a time for our kids to have great and sometimes new experiences! What I'm asking for is lots and lots of prayers. We need prayers for safety, (I am the camp nurse this year, so we need EXTRA prayers for safety...) prayers for energy for the adults - especially myself, prayers for God to move and work in all the planning, set-up, and on goings of camp. We need major prayers for our youth to be open to the words they hear and that they have fun, learn a lot, and really let God into their lives.

Thank you so much for being willing to help in this way! I will update you again when we come back on how things went and what happened over the week.

Lots of love and peace!

Back by Popular Demand :)

So, many of you have been asking questions about the past six months and what has been happening at Branches. I have come to the realization that I have fallen short on my updates. So, I thought I would take some time on this beautiful, warm day in sunny Florida to write to you all. (Sorry, I had to make you all jealous about the weather, I only get two months out of the year where it's valid.)

I wish I could sugar coat this update and tell you how wonderful things have been and how amazing my job is. While it is an authentic statement that I still love every second of my job and the community in which I serve, I have to be honest about the past six months. The truth is that every day since the fire has been a challenge. We decided the day after the fire (when we MUST have been delirious from sleep depravation) that we would not stop programming. We would be resourceful, creative, and diligent in our efforts to keep every single program running that Branches offered the community. We would not let this violence against our church and community stop us from the service which we have been called. So, for the last seven months, we have done just that. We have been serving all 125 families in our program out of a tent, two small classrooms, and a port-a-potty. To be honest, looking back, I don't know how we managed.

I moved into a small three bedroom house two blocks from Branches and my house, along with my boss's house have become “second Branches.” We had to do programming at our houses three nights a week because there was just no space. There's not a night of the week when youth and young adults are not at my house: receiving tutoring, doing laundry, editing college essays, having Bible studies, and of course EATING! (All services they should have been able to receive at Branches over the past few months.)

Now, in no way, do I want you to construe this email as complaining. I am taking the time to paint the picture of what the past seven months has been to show the direct contrast of what has happened over the past two weeks. For seven months, we have literally been working seven days a week, sometimes eighteen hours a day, trying to keep up programming, trying to serve (often more than we were capable of), simply put: trying too hard to do too much. It has seemed like an uphill battle all leading up to last week.

Last week, when our kids came back from Christmas break, we were finally able to move into the portable building. We now have 7,000 square feet of space. We have a kitchen. We have four toilets. We have four classrooms. We have three offices. We have a roof over our heads. When it rains outside, we do not have to worry about flooding. When it's hot we do not have to bathe in insect repellent. In essence, it's the promise land! God has brought us out of the wilderness. And I realize that's a bit of an over exaggeration, however, after what we have come through, to us, it seems to ring true. The better news is that this portable building is still only temporary. In seven months, through the generosity of our supporters, we have been able to raise the TWO MILLION dollars needed to start our new building. Therefore, this summer, we will begin constructing a new building and church sanctuary that will make our “promise land” of a portable look like an outdoor tent and port-a-potty.

It has been a demanding past few months. To say the least. However, things are shifting in Florida City. God has seen us through our trials and is helping us to prosper and to build a hope and a future in South Florida. I am so grateful for the support each of you have given me through these trials and tribulations and am even more grateful to start a new future in this community I love.

Matthew 6: 25-34

Friday night started like any other. However, it ended a little something like this:

http://www.wsvn.com/news/articles/local/21002377218327/

This week has been a tough one. Our first piece (out of five!) of the portable building showed up. And then the next day was promptly taken away. We had a tropical storm warning. Everyone thought that Tropical Storm Nicole was really going to hit us hard. However, she actually just turned into Tropical Depression #16 and dumped some rain around the area. Needless to say, yet again, I was fooled into thinking I would get a day off of work and some quiet time while listening to the rain. We were also, again, fooled into taking down the tent only to have to put it right back up the next day.

For weeks, my boss, her husband, and I have been participating in the Daniel Fast. It's a fast based on the Biblical book of Daniel in which he fasts from all "choice foods" for 21 days. It's been an interesting fast, one that makes your body feel good, but also leaves you spiritually and physically wanting more. My boss and I sat around often discussing the fast and how it's made us feel, or what we were thinking. We both often expressed frustrations because at times it can just seem like a bad diet. The fast ended on Thursday. We didn't think much would come out of it. We didn't think about the power of God.

So, after 21 days of fasting, and a really tough week, a lot of us were just hoping to get through Friday night. Get through it so we could sleep in and gather some rest on Saturday. However, we had planned an amazing night. It was the Oasis Kick-Off Jam, meaning we were supposed to spend the night getting our youth pumped up about our spring break camp Oasis. We had many visitors hanging out with us that night and had even hired a Christian rapper known as "Chirstaholik" to perform. It was shaping up to be a good night. Then, about half way through the "fun and games" portion of the night, we see cop cars show up on the corner. My boss tells me to go see what has happened and before I can even get outside of the tent, I see a mob of about 500 people walking down the street straight at us.

It's pretty funny to hear the different stories on what people thought was going on. These stories are usually centered around how long you have been in Florida City. Some of our new and naive staff members thought nothing of it. They thought, "oh, something's going on..." Where as my boss was certain it was a riot and we were all about to get shot. No matter the first impressions, we were quickly surrounded by this mass of people who started immediately disassembling our stage set up and bringing out their own instruments and sound equipment. My boss quickly recognized some members from a partner church, The Vineyard, up in the Kendall area.

It took me quite a while to come to grips with the fact that we were not actually under attack. However, once I discovered that these people "came in peace," things started to click and I realized that I must be in the midst of witnessing something powerful.

Powerful, indeed. From this point everything kind of seems like a blur of news cameras and camera flashes. But, I do distinctly remember my boss being handed a large, wrapped present. I also very vividly remember their pastor telling us that they took up an offering for us last Sunday and decided to give our church everything. Everyone began chanting "Open It!!" and Kim and Audrey pulled off the wrapping paper to reveal a giant checked marked for $80,377.03. And yes, please do look at that number again. There is not an extra zero.

This church gave us $80,000, because they knew we were in need. They knew of the work we do and they knew of the fire. They knew it was what needed to be done. What they didn't know is that Branches has an anonymous Christian organization that triples every dollar donated to the building campaign. Meaning what this church actually did was donate almost a quarter of a million dollars!

We have been "going through the wilderness" for about four months now. Trusting God and having faith, but living every day discouraged and frustrated at work. Knowing that our ministry could do so much more if only we had the space. If only we had the staff. If only we had the resources. If only... But if there's one thing that this experience has taught me it's the fact that if you seek His kingdom first, everything else will fall into place. We should not worry about what will come about tomorrow, for tomorrow has it's own worries. We should be content knowing that God will always provide what is needed. He knows. He always knows.

Now my boss and I are just trying to figure out how to top that Friday night...any suggestions!?

Is your person white?

I have never lived in a place where the color of your skin is brought up as much as it is in South Florida. Almost daily, I hear comments about this topic. Because I have more of an "olive" complexion, when I first moved down here, my children and youth continuously asked me the infamous question of, "what are you?" I was obviously very thrown off by the question. I liked to thrown them off just as much by answering that I was "Texan." They didn't appreciate my humor.

Now that it was been over a year since I have made the move to South Florida, I don't usually notice when kids start talking about the color of someone's skin. Words like "black" and "white," which used to shock my painfully politically correct upbringing, now tend to sound common place. The bell no longer goes off in my head when I hear a young child ask someone what color they are.

Today, however, I couldn't help but laugh when I watched two of my fifth grade girls play "Guess Who?" Every time they started a new game, the very first question out of either of their mouths was, "Is your person white?" I promise, I almost lost it the first time I watched their game. However, to be fair, the next thought that ran through my head was, "What a good strategy, I wish I had used it." Because, honestly, if the answer to the question is, "no," you have basically won the game considering there are only approximately five people of race that is questionably something other than "white." Also, to be fair, I'm pretty sure they have introduced new players into the game since I was a child.

However, watching the contemporary minds of two eleven year old girls in South Florida happened to make me pause today for thought.

A Prayer for Those Who Have TOO MUCH.

To my brothers and sisters in developing countries:

While I was deciding which oat bran cereal to eat this morning, you were searching the ground for leftover grains from the passing wheat truck.

While I was jogging at the health center, you were working in the wealthy landowner's fields under a scorching sun.

While I was choosing between diet and regular soda, your parched lips were yearning for a touch of water.

While I complained about the poor service in a gourmet restaurant, you were gratefully receiving a bowl of rice.

While I poured my "fresh and better" detergent in the washing machine, you stood in the river with your bundle of clothes.

While I watched the evening news on my wide screen television set, you were being terrorized and taunted by a dictatorship government.

While I read the newspaper and drank my morning cup of steaming coffee, you walked the dusty, hot miles to the tiny, crowded schoolroom to try to learn how to read.

While I scanned the ads for a bargain on an extra piece of clothing, you woke up and put on the same shirt and pants that you have worn for many months.

While I built a 5 bedroom house for the three of us, your family of 10 found shelter in a one-room hut.

While I went to church last Sunday and felt more than slightly bored, you looked out upon the earth and those around you and felt gratitude to God for being alive for one more day.

My brothers and sisters, forgive me for my arrogance and my indifference. Forgive me for my greed of always wanting newer, bigger, and better things. Forgive me for not doing my part to change the unjust systems that keep you suffering and impoverished. I offer you my promise to become more aware of your situation and to change my lifestyle as I work for transformation of our world.

-Written by Servite Sr. Joyce Rupp, 1997, upon returning from Guatemala and Liberia

What I Need To Hear.

"Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast."

-Psalm 139: 7-10

Lessons from a Tropical Storm

Wednesday morning, my coworker walked up to me and said, "What's our hurricane plan?" I looked at her and said, "Open all the doors and windows and yell, 'COME AND TAKE IT?'" She didn't find my humor very funny because it turns out it was a serious question. She then informed the rest of the staff that there was a tropical storm that could form into a hurricane by Friday. So, we decided to cancel all our programming on Friday for the tropical storm that was later named, "Bonnie."

Thursday afternoon was a whirlwind of stress. We had a mission team of about 30 helping out at Branches as well as a youth choir of 72 visiting. We had to water proof everything in case the ceiling leaked liked it did in the last big storm. Then, when we finally thought we had a second to relax, there was a roll-over car accident in our parking lot. (Thankfully no one was hurt...) Thursday was insane. To say the least.

However, Friday finally came around. I got to sleep in. It was possibly the most beautiful day of sleep I have ever been a part of. It was raining and windy and it didn't matter because I was safe and warm inside of my bed. I got some work done in the morning, and then spent the day lounging around. I was content. I was resting. I was relaxing from possibly the most stressful summer of my life. And then the phone rang. It was my boss. (Now, I should probably preface this next sentence by letting everyone know that "tropical storm" Bonnie was pretty lame. She had passed through South Florida by noon and left blue skies and sunshine.) My boss tells me that we are going to have our Friday night youth service and on top of that, we needed to meet early to put the outdoor shade tent back together, since we took it down for the storm. I am not sure I have ever wanted to do anything less in my entire life. I was so angry that my day of rest had been taken away from me that I was literally filled up with tears.

I showed up to work, we successfully put the tent back together, and the night was off and running. I was obviously upset about being at work in the first place, and still detoxing from a really tough week when one of my youth came up to me and hurt my feelings in a way that only she knew how to do. I was at the end of my rope. I was finally broken. I went into the bathroom and had a good cry. I was so angry about having to show up to work when I wasn't supposed to. I was so angry to get the chance at some rest and then to have it stolen away from me. Those feelings snowballed into thinking that my work in Florida City is useless and these kids don't appreciate the fact that I don't sleep because I am up doing work for them at all hours of the day and night. (I told you it was a bad week...)

I managed to pull myself together and continue on with the night. I prayed that God would show me why I was needed there. As always, God did answer my prayers. I realized, through the course of the night and through talking with different youth, how selfish I was acting. Yes, I was exhausted and yes, I'd had a bad week. But, that doesn't mean I have to take it out on my kids. God showed me that night just how much our kids need Branches. I was so excited to go through a tropical storm/hurricane in South Florida because I was told that people gather together and take time off work and hang out. That sounded like the greatest way to spend some quality time together. Well, after talking with our youth, I realized that's basically their nightmare. Being stuck inside their miniscule homes with close to twenty of their closest relatives who yell and are drunks and say harsh words to hurt them intentionally is possibly the worst scenario they can picture in their minds. By 3:00 pm, most of our youth were calling and texting and begging us to have Branches tonight, because, if nothing else, they would be able to go somewhere and get out of their houses.

That was a reality check. One I needed very badly. It turned out to be an amazing night. Full of passion, worship, good music, and a really great and intense game of volleyball. It was definitely what we all needed.

Somebody Loved.

It never ceases to amaze me how things can change and have different meanings based on the context of my life. For so long in my life I have searched for acceptance and love in other people. In middle school I remember how badly I wanted to fit in with the "cool" group of girls. So badly in fact, that I changed who I was, what music I listened to, and how I acted towards others. I lost a lot of friends and was so mean to so many people trying to find acceptance in a group that I thought I needed to be a part of. Throughout high school and college I tried to "find myself" and often would do anything to seek the love and acceptance of anyone. I hurt a lot of people in those ways as well. The past few years, I have tried to find acceptance in romantic relationships. Yet another place where where affirmation did not ensue and heartache instead took over. It has only been through the course of this year and this journey where I have realized that the only place we can go, and really the only place we NEED to go is to God. Going to God is the only place where full love and acceptance and affirmation will occur. Last night in our Bible study with the youth, we talked about the idea that God is always with us and we read Psalm 118, part of which says, "It is better to go to the Lord for safety than to trust in mere men." On the way home from work this evening I happened to pop in a CD that was made for me by a previous boyfriend. On it there was a song called "Somebody Loved." At the time, during the relationship, I thought it was a great song because it was an affirmation of the feelings that I was feeling and searching for in "mere men." Tonight, I realized what the Psalmist was actually trying to write on my heart. We do not need to continuously search for those feelings from mere men because God gives us all the love and affirmation we will ever need. This song has taken on new meaning in my life truly knowing that I am "Somebody Loved."

Somebody Loved

by The Weepies

Rain turns the sand into mud.

Wind turns the trees into bone.

Stars turning high up above.

You turn me into somebody loved.

Nights when the heat had gone out,

We danced together alone.

Cold turned our breath into clouds.

We never said what we were dreaming of,

But you turned me into somebody loved.

Someday when we're old and worn,

Like two softened shoes.

I will wonder on how I was born

The night I first ran away from you.

Now my feet turn the corner back home

Sun turns the evening to rose

Stars turning high above

You turn me into somebody loved.

Building Up Branches

I was tired of looking at the photograph of the burning building when I opened my blog. Therefore, I think I need to upload the video that I created for the rebuilding campaign "Building Up Branches." Enjoy.

Beauty For Ashes

Early last Sunday morning, around 1 am, The Branches United Methodist Church sanctuary and brand new playground was burnt down. As you can probably imagine, life around here is now chaos. As it was, we did not have enough space to house all the activities we had going on at the church and community center. We utilized our outside space to the max, so when it rained we had a hard time housing all the children and youth that we serve. Now, as you can imagine, it has turned into a daily scramble trying to find places to continue our programming and serve all the people in the community that we can.

Sunday morning, we had an incredible church service outside. We all slathered on sunscreen and sang and praised God and did a lot of crying. However, the overall tone of the service was positive. The words of our pastor, Audrey Warren, "God is bigger!" rang through the

neighborhood as news crews, neighbors, and church members sat on blankets and folding

chairs. The church has received a lot of publicity for all that is going on. Since the investigation has ruled out everything but arson, news stations have been eating our story up, twisting it from every angle: from the issue of gangs, to a sorrowful story of hatred, to a positive story of hope. Because of this, programming at work this week has been difficult. So many people in the community have dropped by to bring money, food, clothes, even furniture. We don't have room for the items being donated, but they all just keep coming! News stations are swarming the area trying to interview children and youth and people are always walking around taking pictures, or trying to find out more information. If nothing else, it shows us as an organization, the true impact that we have on the community. People keep driving by saying, "My sister-in-law's uncle's cousin went to Branches six years ago and we just had to come see the sad news for ourselves!" This organization truly has a community full of supporters, despite the bad that we have seen this week, the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it.

The support that Branches has received has been incredible to witness. To add insult to injury, all of our laptop computers were stolen during the chaos of trying to have church outside on

Sunday and make a plan to rebuild the buildings. Of course, a news crew jumped all over the story immediate

ly, sewing a story of deep sorrow and how "our faith is being tested." However, this news story reached all over the greater Miami area and because of this, seven new laptops have been donated to Branches. People that don't have any connection to Branches at all have been calling from all over the state saying, "I heard about the story on the news, what can I do?"

Our community has shown us what it means to be supported in a time of need. A young woman who doesn't even have enough money to feed her family stopped by and handed Audrey an

envelope of cash, telling her that when she earned more, she would give it to the church. One of our student's friends gave him a dollar and told him to give it to the church to help it be rebuilt. In the past three days alone, there have been countless more stories of generosity and charity. We have been wrapped in the love and support of community members as well as the greater church. Wealthier churches in north Miami have donated things like temporary playgrounds, laptops, tents, sunshades, fans, and lots of snacks and food for our kids. There are no words to describe the work of God that we are witnessing unfold right before our eyes. God is making the words of our pastor ring true each and every day, "God is bigger than all of this."

One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

It seems to me that life goes in cycles. You have the cycles of the seasons, the cycles of the school year, and the cycles of life and death which are occurring world wide daily. My faith, for sure, goes in cycles - cycles of getting close to God and feeling as though there is nothing that can separate me from His love to cycles of feeling further and further away because I am so grounded in this world and in worldly matters. My youth at work seem to go through cycles as well. They are currently in one of two different cycles. Half of my youth have passed their FCAT (Florida's standardized test), they have been keeping up with their school work all year long and are sitting back and enjoying the fact that the teachers are easing off of them towards the end of the school year. The other half of my youth are freaking out. They have been relaxing most of the year, their grades have dropped drastically, and they are trying to frantically get their work done, do their makeup work, and redo some of their work because of their failing grades - all while the idea of 'repeating this grade' is breathing heavily down their necks.

We have eased off some of our kids during this time - letting them do Sudoku puzzles to work on logic instead of drilling them on their multiplication and division tables. However, we have really done this so that we can focus our whole attention on these kids who are frantically trying not repeat their grade level. I have one girl, a middle school girl, who is actually in the 5th grade. Her younger sister is in a grade higher than her because she failed and her sister didn't. A woman I work with fully sponsored this young girl to go to a Christian school down the street from Branches because there, 5th grade is considered "middle school." Therefore, because of my coworker, she can come to all youth events for Branches and not be considered in a lower grade than her younger sister. The problem is, the scholarship money never came through for this young girl to go to school, so the payments that my coworker was making was not fully footing the bill of her education. The school tried and tried to contact this girl's parents, however, they never called the school back. Rather than kicking her out of school, they let her continue, except the teacher stopped grading her work (which are individualized books that they have to complete a certain number of in order to pass that grade level.) The teacher never told this girl what was going on, so she spent the majority of the school year not doing any work because the teacher would not issue her new books or let her continue with her work. Finally, my coworker called the school and heard the entire problem. (She was obviously pretty upset.) She is now covering the entire bill of my youth's schooling so that she can finish out the year. We placed this young girl in that school because it was going to allow her to catch up in her school work and hopefully fill the gaps in her education and allow her to move on into middle school. However, now she is about a semester's worth of work behind and if she even wants to pass the 5th grade (again) she has to basically work night and day on her school work.

This is unfortunately an issue for a lot of our youth. In the case of this young girl, it wasn't entirely her fault. However, some of our youth are just too lazy to take responsibility for their actions and do their own work. In Florida, public school do not get out until the middle of June. These kids literally have a little less than three weeks to finish a semester's worth of work. It's so hard to see this issue and wonder if there was something you could have done to change this outcome. I cannot physically make the students do their homework or study. But, at the same time, it's so tough to see these kids fail when you have been helping them all year long.

The Depths

Last night we had a service for our youth that was a "Peace and Healing" service. We have been talking about attitude and how the way you react to situations is truly your choice. You may have been dealt the worst cards in the stack and your circumstances and the things that happen to you on a daily basis may not be good at all. But it doesn't mean that you have to be rude and angry towards everyone else and it doesn't mean that you have to be unhappy all the time. Our youth have broken lives. It's a daily reoccurring theme down here that I find out something else about one of our youth's lives that is appalling. But, the staff realized, that if our youth were ever going to be ok with their lives and therefore change their attitudes, that we needed to let them know how to heal and more importantly, we needed to show them how to ask God to come into their lives to help them heal.

As one might imagine, last night was one of the most emotionally draining nights of Branches history. I also think it was a very important night for a lot of our youth.

Tony asked me yesterday afternoon if I would be willing to lead a prayer station. Since I am not comfortable praying in front of people I obviously shouted "NO!" in my head. And then I told him I would do it. Before I was even able to take my spot at a prayer station (where our kids would come up and together you would ask God to enter their lives and help them heal) one of my youth came up to me and said, "I need to talk to you outside."

This youth happened to be one of my high school girls. Her story is an interesting one, and one that will probably never be fully told because I'm not sure anyone could fully understand her pain. She is approximately 6'2" and solid. Our girls at Branches would call her "thick" because that's their word for everyone who isn't stick skinny like them. (Yes, I am daily called "thick.") But by solid I mean she can take any of our boys at basketball and she could probably bench press most of them as well. To say the least, this girl used to scare me. She's a tough girl. And she has the front of a tough girl. I have never seen her be emotional once in the months that I have worked here. But, as she got nick named at Oasis as 'The Gentle Giant,' she is always smiling and laughing when she comes to Branches and she truly loves Branches and the people here. I think that has to do with the fact that Branches is the complete opposite of her home life. Her mother had her when she was about 13 years old. Her grandmother had to step in and help raise her and her siblings. As one can imagine in this situation, she's had a hard life.

Last night when she asked me to step outside I wasn't sure what she was going to say to me. She started off by saying she's never really opened up to people about this, but she's feeling a pull to do so now. Then she just burst into tears and said, "My mom tells me everyday that she doesn't want me. I don't know why, but she doesn't want me. My grandmother tells me everyday that I have ruined her life by being born. Most days I wish I had never been born." And then she continues to sob and repeat some of the same stuff like, "she just doesn't want me." I asked her if I could pray for her and we stood there for a while praying. All the while, she was shaking and sobbing, knowing and learning that God loves her always and that when she feels useless that God is there. I can only hope that something has stirred within her to start the healing process of her life and to hopefully make her realize that, more than ever, she needs to graduate high school and get out of that toxic life that has plagued her for so long.

It's stories like this that make me feel mixed emotions. On the one hand, it's what keeps me coming to work day after day just to show these kids that there's someone out there who cares about them. On the other hand, it's the one thing that makes me want to give up day after day because their situations just seem so dismal. So impossible to overcome. But I guess that's the challenge of this job and this community. You just have to throw out the seeds and hope that a few of them hit fertile ground and miss the rocks.

One Year.

What can you do in one year?

You can read the whole Bible.

You can learn another language.

You can have a baby.

You can lose a lot of weight.

You can learn a new skill.

You can change the world.

Or so they tell you. One year mission programs like mine advertise things like "A year of service for a lifetime of change" or "Blessed to be a blessing." We sign up for these service years to be just that: a 'blessing' to the people we are ministering. We make grandiose plans and lofty goals for what we want our year to look like and for the mission that we will be administering to these people in need. But what happens when these goals cannot be met? We throw ourselves into our jobs and into "frenzied action" as Parker Palmer would say, without truly thinking about ourselves and our needs and even our own actual capabilities because we only have ONE YEAR to change the whole world.

Somewhere along the way, we start to realize the reality of the situation. "Changing the world" might not look like what we originally thought. I would not say that we have 'failed' at our original goal, nor would I say that we are 'jaded' having been thrown into the darkest of situations. Instead, I would say we are educated. We have been handed a vital dose of reality and we have come out on top. We more fully understand that 'changing the world' doesn't necessarily mean making it like your own. Rather, it's the smaller things, like letting someone know they are loved, that truly changes the world. It's telling someone that you believe in them and then proving it by helping them get into college or helping them figure out a way to learn English. Changing the world in one year will not happen. I do not care how much energy or excitement you bring to the job. However, changing your way of thinking and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to fail and then start over daily will change the world. Unfortunately, our tiny day to day actions might not make the impact that we had originally thought it would. However, a lifetime of these daily actions might bring forth a wave of change.

One Day

I have been teaching a photography class at Branches for quite a while now. Last week when we were supposed to take a field trip around town photographing, it started raining. I figured I had two options, take them inside and show them slide after slide of other people's work that they mostly just find "weird" or bring about plan b, which was leaving still photography behind and teaching them about video. Of course, after I scrambled to put together a video lesson, it stopped raining and the sun came out. Thank you Florida. Regardless, the girls enjoyed their video lesson and made an awesome video about their Branches community.

OASIS - TIGHT'N UP!

During the week of Florida's spring break, my co workers and I took 150 urban youth to a camp in Lake Wales, Florida. The conference we put on is known as Camp Oasis. The term “oasis,” coming from the image of a watering hole in the desert. Or, a more figurative definition being the idea of a peaceful, pleasant area in the midst of a difficult, troubled, or hectic place or situation. All 150 youth are not ours. Other urban groups, like ours, from the greater Miami area are involved in this camp as well. My supervisor Kim started Camp Oasis over fifteen years ago; since then it has only grown infinitely. She saw a need to get these kids out of their homes, out of the city, and into a space where, at the very least, for four days they will know they are loved.

Camp Oasis has probably been the most powerful experience I have witnessed since my move to South Florida. My youth changed the second they got out of Florida City. Every single one of my youth had a life changing moment at Oasis. I'm not going to lie, I was skeptical about Camp Oasis. The first question every youth asked me when I moved to Miami was, “Are you going to Oasis?” Oasis is seriously the only thing my youth have been talking about since August. Throughout my life, I have been involved with a lot of camps and conferences. I live for camps and conferences. It's where my true passion lies. So, in the back of my head, the only thing I kept thinking was, “Ok, I'm sure it's great for these kids, but it must just be like every other conference I have attended and they just don't have any experience with this kind of thing.” Turns out, like with most of my initial reactions, I was wrong. Dead wrong. Oasis, first and foremost, was the most organized and well put together camp I have ever been privileged to be a part of. Kim, and the supervisor of another program very similar to ours in Homestead, worked pretty close to 24/7 leading up to the camp, and all of their hard work paid off and truly showed from the second we got there.

In the fifteen + year history of Oasis it has never rained harder than a short drizzle. However, this year, the skies opened up. We're talking 'torrential downpour, fear for your life' kind of rain. And it wasn't short lived. It rained from Sunday afternoon all the way through Monday morning. A big part of taking these kids out of the city is to introduce them to outdoor activities that they would never otherwise get to witness or be a part of. Do you know how hard it is to play soccer or go boating in a tornado? So, to say the least, this year's camp could have been terrible. We could have let the rain ruin all of our plans and we could have pouted. Those were all my suggestions. I don't really understand why they were not taken seriously. Instead what happened is we made the best of it. The kids were forced to take a breath and just sit. Just relax. God knew what He was doing. These kids don't ever get the chance to sit in their daily lives. They go from school where they are subjected to pressures that I never had to think about or endure in my middle school or high school straight into their homes where their parents tell them that they are useless and are never going to amount to anything. Every minute of their lives is spent trying to resist all they are subject to and everything they are told. They use all their energy trying not to be just another statistic. Because of this, their lives are tiring. And this weekend gave them a chance not only to rest and be themselves, but it also gave them a chance to see that there is a different way of life out there.

I spent most of the four days trying to figure out what made Camp Oasis so different from the other camps and conferences I have spent my time at. Sure it was well organized and amazingly staffed with 50 adults trained in youth leadership. However, there was still something more. The only answer I have been able to come up with during my days of reflection is this: the youth. When you take 150 youth who have barely even been out of the city and put them in the woods with crazy things like snakes and bugs, as well as exposed them to unheard of things like a lake, boats, and new games like nine-square (a super hyped-up version of the classic four-square game), it's no wonder radical results occurred. These kids were curious about everything. And more than curious, these kids wanted to participate in everything. While most middle school and high school youth would yawn at a paddle boat ride or a small slide into a lake, these kids thought it was the best thing that had ever happened in their lives. I was in charge of swimming and even though on Sunday the temperature dropped and the clouds rolled in, every single youth that signed up for that activity block was swimming and had to literally be dragged out when we told them it had to end early because of the lightening. Even during the hard rain, many youth came up asking me if they could go swimming and they just did not understand why I said “no.” They did not take a single experience for granted and truly wanted to cherish and soak up every second of being outdoors and away from Florida City.

While the outdoor experiences played a large role in making this conference so different, the one thing that truly made the difference was showing these youth that there are people in their lives that love them. As I had mentioned before, a lot of our youth are told repeatedly in their homes that they are worthless, that they were an accident, and that they will never amount to anything in life. I do not understand it, but there is a large cultural difference surrounding families in South Florida. Instead of wanting the best for their children, most parents do not want their children to be more successful than themselves. They see it as a threat and they want their children to always be around to take care of them instead of having their children focus on a career or a family. It happened to the parents when they were children and it will continue to happen until the cycle can be broken. It seems very backwards to me, but it occurs. And it occurs in almost every home of our children and youth. So, when you take these middle school and high school students who have been told their entire lives that they should not be alive and you tell them the radical message that God loves them, their entire life changes. The message is so overwhelming for most of them that even the toughest high school boys will weep in your arms for hours. It's a powerful experience. To say the very least.Camp Oasis is truly one of the best programs that Branches has to offer. It was life changing just to be able to be a part of the staff and witness the changes that our youth went through. God is truly raining blessings on South Florida and moving powerfully through each of our youth as well.

Oasis 2010

I leave today for Oasis, which is a four day retreat put on for our youth, as well as youth in the greater Miami area. Branches Florida City started this conference years ago and it has only grown infinitely since that first year. This year's theme is "Tight'n Up." We will be talking about the ways in which we can tighten up our lives and our relationship with Christ. I couldn't be more excited! From what I have heard about this conference it is usually a life changing step for a lot of our youth. When asked about Oasis, one of our kids told me, "Miss, you will LOVE it. I think it's what Heaven is going to be like."

I would ask that you all keep our youth and adults in your prayers these next few days. Pray that our youth will have experiences that they will remember for a long time and that our adults will have the energy to truly provide a worth while experience for our kids.

P.S. This is the logo I got to design for the conference!!

Decisions

I can handle it when kids make bad decisions. After all, their brains are not fully developed. It's not their fault they act stupid. However, when parents make bad decisions, I have a hard time letting it go. Today, one of our middle school girls was pulled from our program. Her mother decided she needed to go live with her grandmother because Florida City was not having a good influence on her.

This particular girl was the one middle school girl I truly felt a connection with. She was new to Branches: she had only started coming right before Christmas, but she formed a very tight bond with me very quickly. If she had a problem, she asked for me right away and always trusted me with her secrets - including the issues she had with her mother. She was a good student. She tried hard. She actually did her homework and asked for help if she needed it. She had just gotten accepted to a really good private high school in the area that specialized in nursing - her career of choice. She was someone that we all had really high hopes for. Only there was one issue: her mother.

Now that I am a "grown up," (for all intensive purposes...) I often find myself siding with parents more in situations and telling the youth that "They really need to listen to their parents more. After all, they know what's best for you." A sentence that probably would have never come out of my mouth four years ago. However, in this situation, I cannot even find a way to reason with her mother. This particular girl came to me a couple of months ago asking for advice for how to deal with her mother. I told her that even if they didn't get along that she still needed to respect her mother and the decisions that had been made. I don't necessarily think that was bad advice at this point, however, I now realize why she even came to me with a question like that. It was because what this young girl was going through was not a case of "angry teenager vs. Mom." What she was going through was a little more of "certifiably crazy Mom vs. seemingly rational middle school girl." Not your typical, everyday teenaged girl issues. Although, at this point, I think I should probably expect things like this to come out of Florida City.

Her mom stormed into Branches today to tell us that she was pulling her daughter out of our program and shipping her off to live with her grandmother. Her middle school daughter had not let her search through her book bag. When her mother took the bag by force she found inside a notebook. Some of the notebook's contents were notes, but there were a few doodles. These doodles showed that her daughter had a crush on a boy. And her daughter - her fourteen year old daughter - had not told her about it and lied about him. I think her mom kept raging and probably gave more reasons for why she was being pulled out of Branches, but I left and went out to the car to talk to my favorite middle school girl for seemingly the last time. Her equally as crazy little brother was saying very rude things about her from the backseat as she just sat in the front seat, tears rolling down her face, asking over and over again what had she done wrong?

It broke my heart. I truly felt awful. I felt helpless and feared for this young girl who had actually done everything right in her life and yet still ended up on the wrong side of things. These kids have every disadvantage stacked against them. Even when you think you find the ones who will live above the influences and make the right choices in life, other things, uncontrollable forces, step in. The only good I can see in this is that maybe this move will get her away from her crazy mother and her mother's horrible boyfriend. However, it also takes her away from "the one place where she felt welcomed and loved."

Life is unfair.