Matthew 6: 25-34

Friday night started like any other. However, it ended a little something like this:

http://www.wsvn.com/news/articles/local/21002377218327/

This week has been a tough one. Our first piece (out of five!) of the portable building showed up. And then the next day was promptly taken away. We had a tropical storm warning. Everyone thought that Tropical Storm Nicole was really going to hit us hard. However, she actually just turned into Tropical Depression #16 and dumped some rain around the area. Needless to say, yet again, I was fooled into thinking I would get a day off of work and some quiet time while listening to the rain. We were also, again, fooled into taking down the tent only to have to put it right back up the next day.

For weeks, my boss, her husband, and I have been participating in the Daniel Fast. It's a fast based on the Biblical book of Daniel in which he fasts from all "choice foods" for 21 days. It's been an interesting fast, one that makes your body feel good, but also leaves you spiritually and physically wanting more. My boss and I sat around often discussing the fast and how it's made us feel, or what we were thinking. We both often expressed frustrations because at times it can just seem like a bad diet. The fast ended on Thursday. We didn't think much would come out of it. We didn't think about the power of God.

So, after 21 days of fasting, and a really tough week, a lot of us were just hoping to get through Friday night. Get through it so we could sleep in and gather some rest on Saturday. However, we had planned an amazing night. It was the Oasis Kick-Off Jam, meaning we were supposed to spend the night getting our youth pumped up about our spring break camp Oasis. We had many visitors hanging out with us that night and had even hired a Christian rapper known as "Chirstaholik" to perform. It was shaping up to be a good night. Then, about half way through the "fun and games" portion of the night, we see cop cars show up on the corner. My boss tells me to go see what has happened and before I can even get outside of the tent, I see a mob of about 500 people walking down the street straight at us.

It's pretty funny to hear the different stories on what people thought was going on. These stories are usually centered around how long you have been in Florida City. Some of our new and naive staff members thought nothing of it. They thought, "oh, something's going on..." Where as my boss was certain it was a riot and we were all about to get shot. No matter the first impressions, we were quickly surrounded by this mass of people who started immediately disassembling our stage set up and bringing out their own instruments and sound equipment. My boss quickly recognized some members from a partner church, The Vineyard, up in the Kendall area.

It took me quite a while to come to grips with the fact that we were not actually under attack. However, once I discovered that these people "came in peace," things started to click and I realized that I must be in the midst of witnessing something powerful.

Powerful, indeed. From this point everything kind of seems like a blur of news cameras and camera flashes. But, I do distinctly remember my boss being handed a large, wrapped present. I also very vividly remember their pastor telling us that they took up an offering for us last Sunday and decided to give our church everything. Everyone began chanting "Open It!!" and Kim and Audrey pulled off the wrapping paper to reveal a giant checked marked for $80,377.03. And yes, please do look at that number again. There is not an extra zero.

This church gave us $80,000, because they knew we were in need. They knew of the work we do and they knew of the fire. They knew it was what needed to be done. What they didn't know is that Branches has an anonymous Christian organization that triples every dollar donated to the building campaign. Meaning what this church actually did was donate almost a quarter of a million dollars!

We have been "going through the wilderness" for about four months now. Trusting God and having faith, but living every day discouraged and frustrated at work. Knowing that our ministry could do so much more if only we had the space. If only we had the staff. If only we had the resources. If only... But if there's one thing that this experience has taught me it's the fact that if you seek His kingdom first, everything else will fall into place. We should not worry about what will come about tomorrow, for tomorrow has it's own worries. We should be content knowing that God will always provide what is needed. He knows. He always knows.

Now my boss and I are just trying to figure out how to top that Friday night...any suggestions!?

Is your person white?

I have never lived in a place where the color of your skin is brought up as much as it is in South Florida. Almost daily, I hear comments about this topic. Because I have more of an "olive" complexion, when I first moved down here, my children and youth continuously asked me the infamous question of, "what are you?" I was obviously very thrown off by the question. I liked to thrown them off just as much by answering that I was "Texan." They didn't appreciate my humor.

Now that it was been over a year since I have made the move to South Florida, I don't usually notice when kids start talking about the color of someone's skin. Words like "black" and "white," which used to shock my painfully politically correct upbringing, now tend to sound common place. The bell no longer goes off in my head when I hear a young child ask someone what color they are.

Today, however, I couldn't help but laugh when I watched two of my fifth grade girls play "Guess Who?" Every time they started a new game, the very first question out of either of their mouths was, "Is your person white?" I promise, I almost lost it the first time I watched their game. However, to be fair, the next thought that ran through my head was, "What a good strategy, I wish I had used it." Because, honestly, if the answer to the question is, "no," you have basically won the game considering there are only approximately five people of race that is questionably something other than "white." Also, to be fair, I'm pretty sure they have introduced new players into the game since I was a child.

However, watching the contemporary minds of two eleven year old girls in South Florida happened to make me pause today for thought.

A Prayer for Those Who Have TOO MUCH.

To my brothers and sisters in developing countries:

While I was deciding which oat bran cereal to eat this morning, you were searching the ground for leftover grains from the passing wheat truck.

While I was jogging at the health center, you were working in the wealthy landowner's fields under a scorching sun.

While I was choosing between diet and regular soda, your parched lips were yearning for a touch of water.

While I complained about the poor service in a gourmet restaurant, you were gratefully receiving a bowl of rice.

While I poured my "fresh and better" detergent in the washing machine, you stood in the river with your bundle of clothes.

While I watched the evening news on my wide screen television set, you were being terrorized and taunted by a dictatorship government.

While I read the newspaper and drank my morning cup of steaming coffee, you walked the dusty, hot miles to the tiny, crowded schoolroom to try to learn how to read.

While I scanned the ads for a bargain on an extra piece of clothing, you woke up and put on the same shirt and pants that you have worn for many months.

While I built a 5 bedroom house for the three of us, your family of 10 found shelter in a one-room hut.

While I went to church last Sunday and felt more than slightly bored, you looked out upon the earth and those around you and felt gratitude to God for being alive for one more day.

My brothers and sisters, forgive me for my arrogance and my indifference. Forgive me for my greed of always wanting newer, bigger, and better things. Forgive me for not doing my part to change the unjust systems that keep you suffering and impoverished. I offer you my promise to become more aware of your situation and to change my lifestyle as I work for transformation of our world.

-Written by Servite Sr. Joyce Rupp, 1997, upon returning from Guatemala and Liberia

What I Need To Hear.

"Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast."

-Psalm 139: 7-10

Lessons from a Tropical Storm

Wednesday morning, my coworker walked up to me and said, "What's our hurricane plan?" I looked at her and said, "Open all the doors and windows and yell, 'COME AND TAKE IT?'" She didn't find my humor very funny because it turns out it was a serious question. She then informed the rest of the staff that there was a tropical storm that could form into a hurricane by Friday. So, we decided to cancel all our programming on Friday for the tropical storm that was later named, "Bonnie."

Thursday afternoon was a whirlwind of stress. We had a mission team of about 30 helping out at Branches as well as a youth choir of 72 visiting. We had to water proof everything in case the ceiling leaked liked it did in the last big storm. Then, when we finally thought we had a second to relax, there was a roll-over car accident in our parking lot. (Thankfully no one was hurt...) Thursday was insane. To say the least.

However, Friday finally came around. I got to sleep in. It was possibly the most beautiful day of sleep I have ever been a part of. It was raining and windy and it didn't matter because I was safe and warm inside of my bed. I got some work done in the morning, and then spent the day lounging around. I was content. I was resting. I was relaxing from possibly the most stressful summer of my life. And then the phone rang. It was my boss. (Now, I should probably preface this next sentence by letting everyone know that "tropical storm" Bonnie was pretty lame. She had passed through South Florida by noon and left blue skies and sunshine.) My boss tells me that we are going to have our Friday night youth service and on top of that, we needed to meet early to put the outdoor shade tent back together, since we took it down for the storm. I am not sure I have ever wanted to do anything less in my entire life. I was so angry that my day of rest had been taken away from me that I was literally filled up with tears.

I showed up to work, we successfully put the tent back together, and the night was off and running. I was obviously upset about being at work in the first place, and still detoxing from a really tough week when one of my youth came up to me and hurt my feelings in a way that only she knew how to do. I was at the end of my rope. I was finally broken. I went into the bathroom and had a good cry. I was so angry about having to show up to work when I wasn't supposed to. I was so angry to get the chance at some rest and then to have it stolen away from me. Those feelings snowballed into thinking that my work in Florida City is useless and these kids don't appreciate the fact that I don't sleep because I am up doing work for them at all hours of the day and night. (I told you it was a bad week...)

I managed to pull myself together and continue on with the night. I prayed that God would show me why I was needed there. As always, God did answer my prayers. I realized, through the course of the night and through talking with different youth, how selfish I was acting. Yes, I was exhausted and yes, I'd had a bad week. But, that doesn't mean I have to take it out on my kids. God showed me that night just how much our kids need Branches. I was so excited to go through a tropical storm/hurricane in South Florida because I was told that people gather together and take time off work and hang out. That sounded like the greatest way to spend some quality time together. Well, after talking with our youth, I realized that's basically their nightmare. Being stuck inside their miniscule homes with close to twenty of their closest relatives who yell and are drunks and say harsh words to hurt them intentionally is possibly the worst scenario they can picture in their minds. By 3:00 pm, most of our youth were calling and texting and begging us to have Branches tonight, because, if nothing else, they would be able to go somewhere and get out of their houses.

That was a reality check. One I needed very badly. It turned out to be an amazing night. Full of passion, worship, good music, and a really great and intense game of volleyball. It was definitely what we all needed.

Somebody Loved.

It never ceases to amaze me how things can change and have different meanings based on the context of my life. For so long in my life I have searched for acceptance and love in other people. In middle school I remember how badly I wanted to fit in with the "cool" group of girls. So badly in fact, that I changed who I was, what music I listened to, and how I acted towards others. I lost a lot of friends and was so mean to so many people trying to find acceptance in a group that I thought I needed to be a part of. Throughout high school and college I tried to "find myself" and often would do anything to seek the love and acceptance of anyone. I hurt a lot of people in those ways as well. The past few years, I have tried to find acceptance in romantic relationships. Yet another place where where affirmation did not ensue and heartache instead took over. It has only been through the course of this year and this journey where I have realized that the only place we can go, and really the only place we NEED to go is to God. Going to God is the only place where full love and acceptance and affirmation will occur. Last night in our Bible study with the youth, we talked about the idea that God is always with us and we read Psalm 118, part of which says, "It is better to go to the Lord for safety than to trust in mere men." On the way home from work this evening I happened to pop in a CD that was made for me by a previous boyfriend. On it there was a song called "Somebody Loved." At the time, during the relationship, I thought it was a great song because it was an affirmation of the feelings that I was feeling and searching for in "mere men." Tonight, I realized what the Psalmist was actually trying to write on my heart. We do not need to continuously search for those feelings from mere men because God gives us all the love and affirmation we will ever need. This song has taken on new meaning in my life truly knowing that I am "Somebody Loved."

Somebody Loved

by The Weepies

Rain turns the sand into mud.

Wind turns the trees into bone.

Stars turning high up above.

You turn me into somebody loved.

Nights when the heat had gone out,

We danced together alone.

Cold turned our breath into clouds.

We never said what we were dreaming of,

But you turned me into somebody loved.

Someday when we're old and worn,

Like two softened shoes.

I will wonder on how I was born

The night I first ran away from you.

Now my feet turn the corner back home

Sun turns the evening to rose

Stars turning high above

You turn me into somebody loved.

Building Up Branches

I was tired of looking at the photograph of the burning building when I opened my blog. Therefore, I think I need to upload the video that I created for the rebuilding campaign "Building Up Branches." Enjoy.

Beauty For Ashes

Early last Sunday morning, around 1 am, The Branches United Methodist Church sanctuary and brand new playground was burnt down. As you can probably imagine, life around here is now chaos. As it was, we did not have enough space to house all the activities we had going on at the church and community center. We utilized our outside space to the max, so when it rained we had a hard time housing all the children and youth that we serve. Now, as you can imagine, it has turned into a daily scramble trying to find places to continue our programming and serve all the people in the community that we can.

Sunday morning, we had an incredible church service outside. We all slathered on sunscreen and sang and praised God and did a lot of crying. However, the overall tone of the service was positive. The words of our pastor, Audrey Warren, "God is bigger!" rang through the

neighborhood as news crews, neighbors, and church members sat on blankets and folding

chairs. The church has received a lot of publicity for all that is going on. Since the investigation has ruled out everything but arson, news stations have been eating our story up, twisting it from every angle: from the issue of gangs, to a sorrowful story of hatred, to a positive story of hope. Because of this, programming at work this week has been difficult. So many people in the community have dropped by to bring money, food, clothes, even furniture. We don't have room for the items being donated, but they all just keep coming! News stations are swarming the area trying to interview children and youth and people are always walking around taking pictures, or trying to find out more information. If nothing else, it shows us as an organization, the true impact that we have on the community. People keep driving by saying, "My sister-in-law's uncle's cousin went to Branches six years ago and we just had to come see the sad news for ourselves!" This organization truly has a community full of supporters, despite the bad that we have seen this week, the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it.

The support that Branches has received has been incredible to witness. To add insult to injury, all of our laptop computers were stolen during the chaos of trying to have church outside on

Sunday and make a plan to rebuild the buildings. Of course, a news crew jumped all over the story immediate

ly, sewing a story of deep sorrow and how "our faith is being tested." However, this news story reached all over the greater Miami area and because of this, seven new laptops have been donated to Branches. People that don't have any connection to Branches at all have been calling from all over the state saying, "I heard about the story on the news, what can I do?"

Our community has shown us what it means to be supported in a time of need. A young woman who doesn't even have enough money to feed her family stopped by and handed Audrey an

envelope of cash, telling her that when she earned more, she would give it to the church. One of our student's friends gave him a dollar and told him to give it to the church to help it be rebuilt. In the past three days alone, there have been countless more stories of generosity and charity. We have been wrapped in the love and support of community members as well as the greater church. Wealthier churches in north Miami have donated things like temporary playgrounds, laptops, tents, sunshades, fans, and lots of snacks and food for our kids. There are no words to describe the work of God that we are witnessing unfold right before our eyes. God is making the words of our pastor ring true each and every day, "God is bigger than all of this."

One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

It seems to me that life goes in cycles. You have the cycles of the seasons, the cycles of the school year, and the cycles of life and death which are occurring world wide daily. My faith, for sure, goes in cycles - cycles of getting close to God and feeling as though there is nothing that can separate me from His love to cycles of feeling further and further away because I am so grounded in this world and in worldly matters. My youth at work seem to go through cycles as well. They are currently in one of two different cycles. Half of my youth have passed their FCAT (Florida's standardized test), they have been keeping up with their school work all year long and are sitting back and enjoying the fact that the teachers are easing off of them towards the end of the school year. The other half of my youth are freaking out. They have been relaxing most of the year, their grades have dropped drastically, and they are trying to frantically get their work done, do their makeup work, and redo some of their work because of their failing grades - all while the idea of 'repeating this grade' is breathing heavily down their necks.

We have eased off some of our kids during this time - letting them do Sudoku puzzles to work on logic instead of drilling them on their multiplication and division tables. However, we have really done this so that we can focus our whole attention on these kids who are frantically trying not repeat their grade level. I have one girl, a middle school girl, who is actually in the 5th grade. Her younger sister is in a grade higher than her because she failed and her sister didn't. A woman I work with fully sponsored this young girl to go to a Christian school down the street from Branches because there, 5th grade is considered "middle school." Therefore, because of my coworker, she can come to all youth events for Branches and not be considered in a lower grade than her younger sister. The problem is, the scholarship money never came through for this young girl to go to school, so the payments that my coworker was making was not fully footing the bill of her education. The school tried and tried to contact this girl's parents, however, they never called the school back. Rather than kicking her out of school, they let her continue, except the teacher stopped grading her work (which are individualized books that they have to complete a certain number of in order to pass that grade level.) The teacher never told this girl what was going on, so she spent the majority of the school year not doing any work because the teacher would not issue her new books or let her continue with her work. Finally, my coworker called the school and heard the entire problem. (She was obviously pretty upset.) She is now covering the entire bill of my youth's schooling so that she can finish out the year. We placed this young girl in that school because it was going to allow her to catch up in her school work and hopefully fill the gaps in her education and allow her to move on into middle school. However, now she is about a semester's worth of work behind and if she even wants to pass the 5th grade (again) she has to basically work night and day on her school work.

This is unfortunately an issue for a lot of our youth. In the case of this young girl, it wasn't entirely her fault. However, some of our youth are just too lazy to take responsibility for their actions and do their own work. In Florida, public school do not get out until the middle of June. These kids literally have a little less than three weeks to finish a semester's worth of work. It's so hard to see this issue and wonder if there was something you could have done to change this outcome. I cannot physically make the students do their homework or study. But, at the same time, it's so tough to see these kids fail when you have been helping them all year long.

The Depths

Last night we had a service for our youth that was a "Peace and Healing" service. We have been talking about attitude and how the way you react to situations is truly your choice. You may have been dealt the worst cards in the stack and your circumstances and the things that happen to you on a daily basis may not be good at all. But it doesn't mean that you have to be rude and angry towards everyone else and it doesn't mean that you have to be unhappy all the time. Our youth have broken lives. It's a daily reoccurring theme down here that I find out something else about one of our youth's lives that is appalling. But, the staff realized, that if our youth were ever going to be ok with their lives and therefore change their attitudes, that we needed to let them know how to heal and more importantly, we needed to show them how to ask God to come into their lives to help them heal.

As one might imagine, last night was one of the most emotionally draining nights of Branches history. I also think it was a very important night for a lot of our youth.

Tony asked me yesterday afternoon if I would be willing to lead a prayer station. Since I am not comfortable praying in front of people I obviously shouted "NO!" in my head. And then I told him I would do it. Before I was even able to take my spot at a prayer station (where our kids would come up and together you would ask God to enter their lives and help them heal) one of my youth came up to me and said, "I need to talk to you outside."

This youth happened to be one of my high school girls. Her story is an interesting one, and one that will probably never be fully told because I'm not sure anyone could fully understand her pain. She is approximately 6'2" and solid. Our girls at Branches would call her "thick" because that's their word for everyone who isn't stick skinny like them. (Yes, I am daily called "thick.") But by solid I mean she can take any of our boys at basketball and she could probably bench press most of them as well. To say the least, this girl used to scare me. She's a tough girl. And she has the front of a tough girl. I have never seen her be emotional once in the months that I have worked here. But, as she got nick named at Oasis as 'The Gentle Giant,' she is always smiling and laughing when she comes to Branches and she truly loves Branches and the people here. I think that has to do with the fact that Branches is the complete opposite of her home life. Her mother had her when she was about 13 years old. Her grandmother had to step in and help raise her and her siblings. As one can imagine in this situation, she's had a hard life.

Last night when she asked me to step outside I wasn't sure what she was going to say to me. She started off by saying she's never really opened up to people about this, but she's feeling a pull to do so now. Then she just burst into tears and said, "My mom tells me everyday that she doesn't want me. I don't know why, but she doesn't want me. My grandmother tells me everyday that I have ruined her life by being born. Most days I wish I had never been born." And then she continues to sob and repeat some of the same stuff like, "she just doesn't want me." I asked her if I could pray for her and we stood there for a while praying. All the while, she was shaking and sobbing, knowing and learning that God loves her always and that when she feels useless that God is there. I can only hope that something has stirred within her to start the healing process of her life and to hopefully make her realize that, more than ever, she needs to graduate high school and get out of that toxic life that has plagued her for so long.

It's stories like this that make me feel mixed emotions. On the one hand, it's what keeps me coming to work day after day just to show these kids that there's someone out there who cares about them. On the other hand, it's the one thing that makes me want to give up day after day because their situations just seem so dismal. So impossible to overcome. But I guess that's the challenge of this job and this community. You just have to throw out the seeds and hope that a few of them hit fertile ground and miss the rocks.

One Year.

What can you do in one year?

You can read the whole Bible.

You can learn another language.

You can have a baby.

You can lose a lot of weight.

You can learn a new skill.

You can change the world.

Or so they tell you. One year mission programs like mine advertise things like "A year of service for a lifetime of change" or "Blessed to be a blessing." We sign up for these service years to be just that: a 'blessing' to the people we are ministering. We make grandiose plans and lofty goals for what we want our year to look like and for the mission that we will be administering to these people in need. But what happens when these goals cannot be met? We throw ourselves into our jobs and into "frenzied action" as Parker Palmer would say, without truly thinking about ourselves and our needs and even our own actual capabilities because we only have ONE YEAR to change the whole world.

Somewhere along the way, we start to realize the reality of the situation. "Changing the world" might not look like what we originally thought. I would not say that we have 'failed' at our original goal, nor would I say that we are 'jaded' having been thrown into the darkest of situations. Instead, I would say we are educated. We have been handed a vital dose of reality and we have come out on top. We more fully understand that 'changing the world' doesn't necessarily mean making it like your own. Rather, it's the smaller things, like letting someone know they are loved, that truly changes the world. It's telling someone that you believe in them and then proving it by helping them get into college or helping them figure out a way to learn English. Changing the world in one year will not happen. I do not care how much energy or excitement you bring to the job. However, changing your way of thinking and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to fail and then start over daily will change the world. Unfortunately, our tiny day to day actions might not make the impact that we had originally thought it would. However, a lifetime of these daily actions might bring forth a wave of change.

One Day

I have been teaching a photography class at Branches for quite a while now. Last week when we were supposed to take a field trip around town photographing, it started raining. I figured I had two options, take them inside and show them slide after slide of other people's work that they mostly just find "weird" or bring about plan b, which was leaving still photography behind and teaching them about video. Of course, after I scrambled to put together a video lesson, it stopped raining and the sun came out. Thank you Florida. Regardless, the girls enjoyed their video lesson and made an awesome video about their Branches community.

OASIS - TIGHT'N UP!

During the week of Florida's spring break, my co workers and I took 150 urban youth to a camp in Lake Wales, Florida. The conference we put on is known as Camp Oasis. The term “oasis,” coming from the image of a watering hole in the desert. Or, a more figurative definition being the idea of a peaceful, pleasant area in the midst of a difficult, troubled, or hectic place or situation. All 150 youth are not ours. Other urban groups, like ours, from the greater Miami area are involved in this camp as well. My supervisor Kim started Camp Oasis over fifteen years ago; since then it has only grown infinitely. She saw a need to get these kids out of their homes, out of the city, and into a space where, at the very least, for four days they will know they are loved.

Camp Oasis has probably been the most powerful experience I have witnessed since my move to South Florida. My youth changed the second they got out of Florida City. Every single one of my youth had a life changing moment at Oasis. I'm not going to lie, I was skeptical about Camp Oasis. The first question every youth asked me when I moved to Miami was, “Are you going to Oasis?” Oasis is seriously the only thing my youth have been talking about since August. Throughout my life, I have been involved with a lot of camps and conferences. I live for camps and conferences. It's where my true passion lies. So, in the back of my head, the only thing I kept thinking was, “Ok, I'm sure it's great for these kids, but it must just be like every other conference I have attended and they just don't have any experience with this kind of thing.” Turns out, like with most of my initial reactions, I was wrong. Dead wrong. Oasis, first and foremost, was the most organized and well put together camp I have ever been privileged to be a part of. Kim, and the supervisor of another program very similar to ours in Homestead, worked pretty close to 24/7 leading up to the camp, and all of their hard work paid off and truly showed from the second we got there.

In the fifteen + year history of Oasis it has never rained harder than a short drizzle. However, this year, the skies opened up. We're talking 'torrential downpour, fear for your life' kind of rain. And it wasn't short lived. It rained from Sunday afternoon all the way through Monday morning. A big part of taking these kids out of the city is to introduce them to outdoor activities that they would never otherwise get to witness or be a part of. Do you know how hard it is to play soccer or go boating in a tornado? So, to say the least, this year's camp could have been terrible. We could have let the rain ruin all of our plans and we could have pouted. Those were all my suggestions. I don't really understand why they were not taken seriously. Instead what happened is we made the best of it. The kids were forced to take a breath and just sit. Just relax. God knew what He was doing. These kids don't ever get the chance to sit in their daily lives. They go from school where they are subjected to pressures that I never had to think about or endure in my middle school or high school straight into their homes where their parents tell them that they are useless and are never going to amount to anything. Every minute of their lives is spent trying to resist all they are subject to and everything they are told. They use all their energy trying not to be just another statistic. Because of this, their lives are tiring. And this weekend gave them a chance not only to rest and be themselves, but it also gave them a chance to see that there is a different way of life out there.

I spent most of the four days trying to figure out what made Camp Oasis so different from the other camps and conferences I have spent my time at. Sure it was well organized and amazingly staffed with 50 adults trained in youth leadership. However, there was still something more. The only answer I have been able to come up with during my days of reflection is this: the youth. When you take 150 youth who have barely even been out of the city and put them in the woods with crazy things like snakes and bugs, as well as exposed them to unheard of things like a lake, boats, and new games like nine-square (a super hyped-up version of the classic four-square game), it's no wonder radical results occurred. These kids were curious about everything. And more than curious, these kids wanted to participate in everything. While most middle school and high school youth would yawn at a paddle boat ride or a small slide into a lake, these kids thought it was the best thing that had ever happened in their lives. I was in charge of swimming and even though on Sunday the temperature dropped and the clouds rolled in, every single youth that signed up for that activity block was swimming and had to literally be dragged out when we told them it had to end early because of the lightening. Even during the hard rain, many youth came up asking me if they could go swimming and they just did not understand why I said “no.” They did not take a single experience for granted and truly wanted to cherish and soak up every second of being outdoors and away from Florida City.

While the outdoor experiences played a large role in making this conference so different, the one thing that truly made the difference was showing these youth that there are people in their lives that love them. As I had mentioned before, a lot of our youth are told repeatedly in their homes that they are worthless, that they were an accident, and that they will never amount to anything in life. I do not understand it, but there is a large cultural difference surrounding families in South Florida. Instead of wanting the best for their children, most parents do not want their children to be more successful than themselves. They see it as a threat and they want their children to always be around to take care of them instead of having their children focus on a career or a family. It happened to the parents when they were children and it will continue to happen until the cycle can be broken. It seems very backwards to me, but it occurs. And it occurs in almost every home of our children and youth. So, when you take these middle school and high school students who have been told their entire lives that they should not be alive and you tell them the radical message that God loves them, their entire life changes. The message is so overwhelming for most of them that even the toughest high school boys will weep in your arms for hours. It's a powerful experience. To say the very least.Camp Oasis is truly one of the best programs that Branches has to offer. It was life changing just to be able to be a part of the staff and witness the changes that our youth went through. God is truly raining blessings on South Florida and moving powerfully through each of our youth as well.

Oasis 2010

I leave today for Oasis, which is a four day retreat put on for our youth, as well as youth in the greater Miami area. Branches Florida City started this conference years ago and it has only grown infinitely since that first year. This year's theme is "Tight'n Up." We will be talking about the ways in which we can tighten up our lives and our relationship with Christ. I couldn't be more excited! From what I have heard about this conference it is usually a life changing step for a lot of our youth. When asked about Oasis, one of our kids told me, "Miss, you will LOVE it. I think it's what Heaven is going to be like."

I would ask that you all keep our youth and adults in your prayers these next few days. Pray that our youth will have experiences that they will remember for a long time and that our adults will have the energy to truly provide a worth while experience for our kids.

P.S. This is the logo I got to design for the conference!!

Decisions

I can handle it when kids make bad decisions. After all, their brains are not fully developed. It's not their fault they act stupid. However, when parents make bad decisions, I have a hard time letting it go. Today, one of our middle school girls was pulled from our program. Her mother decided she needed to go live with her grandmother because Florida City was not having a good influence on her.

This particular girl was the one middle school girl I truly felt a connection with. She was new to Branches: she had only started coming right before Christmas, but she formed a very tight bond with me very quickly. If she had a problem, she asked for me right away and always trusted me with her secrets - including the issues she had with her mother. She was a good student. She tried hard. She actually did her homework and asked for help if she needed it. She had just gotten accepted to a really good private high school in the area that specialized in nursing - her career of choice. She was someone that we all had really high hopes for. Only there was one issue: her mother.

Now that I am a "grown up," (for all intensive purposes...) I often find myself siding with parents more in situations and telling the youth that "They really need to listen to their parents more. After all, they know what's best for you." A sentence that probably would have never come out of my mouth four years ago. However, in this situation, I cannot even find a way to reason with her mother. This particular girl came to me a couple of months ago asking for advice for how to deal with her mother. I told her that even if they didn't get along that she still needed to respect her mother and the decisions that had been made. I don't necessarily think that was bad advice at this point, however, I now realize why she even came to me with a question like that. It was because what this young girl was going through was not a case of "angry teenager vs. Mom." What she was going through was a little more of "certifiably crazy Mom vs. seemingly rational middle school girl." Not your typical, everyday teenaged girl issues. Although, at this point, I think I should probably expect things like this to come out of Florida City.

Her mom stormed into Branches today to tell us that she was pulling her daughter out of our program and shipping her off to live with her grandmother. Her middle school daughter had not let her search through her book bag. When her mother took the bag by force she found inside a notebook. Some of the notebook's contents were notes, but there were a few doodles. These doodles showed that her daughter had a crush on a boy. And her daughter - her fourteen year old daughter - had not told her about it and lied about him. I think her mom kept raging and probably gave more reasons for why she was being pulled out of Branches, but I left and went out to the car to talk to my favorite middle school girl for seemingly the last time. Her equally as crazy little brother was saying very rude things about her from the backseat as she just sat in the front seat, tears rolling down her face, asking over and over again what had she done wrong?

It broke my heart. I truly felt awful. I felt helpless and feared for this young girl who had actually done everything right in her life and yet still ended up on the wrong side of things. These kids have every disadvantage stacked against them. Even when you think you find the ones who will live above the influences and make the right choices in life, other things, uncontrollable forces, step in. The only good I can see in this is that maybe this move will get her away from her crazy mother and her mother's horrible boyfriend. However, it also takes her away from "the one place where she felt welcomed and loved."

Life is unfair.

A Mess

Yesterday, the second grade girl that I tutor who is a total MESS, told me I look like I "forgot to brush my hair."

Maybe I should rethink my current style.

Confirmation

This past weekend, we took seven of our youth up to Warren W. Willis camp and retreat center in Leesburg, FL, which is just north of Orlando. We traveled up there for Confirmation Camp. Audrey Warren, my new best friend, and pastor at Branches United Methodist Mission, (the church that houses and runs the afterschool program I am working for) was the key note speaker for the weekend. It was a retreat designed for students, mostly middle school students, who are going through confirmation with their church. There were about 12 other churches there, mostly from Ft. Lauderdale and further north. There were no other churches there from Miami, and certainly no others from further south. We were the only church down south who were crazy enough to make the five hour drive up north. Since we were so far “north,” the weather changed. Our kids were completely unprepared for the cold that awaited us in Leesburg and most of them only showed up with flip flops. Although, to be fair, I think more than anything that most of our kids actually only own flip flops.

I learned a lot about our youth this past weekend. Five hours in a car will do that to any group of people. However, I learned more about their lives and their Florida City culture. I learned mostly by listening. Not by listening to the ridiculous stories they told, or to their complaints, or to their conversations with one another. I learned so much more about their lives by listening to their questions.

Question #1: “Miss, where's all the black people at?”

I mentioned that most of the churches were from north of Miami. Besides being churches that are north of Miami, most of the churches were from smaller rural towns. Therefore, there was an obvious lack of diversity that I don't think I would have ever noticed before. We stuck out like a sore thumb, that's for sure! Seven loud, crazy, Haitian and Latino children with their three white adult sponsors. Honestly though, before moving to South Florida and becoming the minority, I had never noticed that it is weird to go to a church conference and be in a room full of hundreds of white people.

Question #2: “Miss, can't we lock our room? What are we going to do with our stuff? You know how people steal...”

There's something I had never thought about. Or never HAD to think about. Stealing? At a church conference? Who would do such a thing? But honestly, that's all these kids know. I have been told quite a few times not to leave my computer out during the day in the space where I work. I have been told that if I am not in the room with my computer that I should have it locked in the closet. Which has now just become habit for me, but was very hard to get used. (Thank goodness for helpful coworkers.) Over Christmas break our children and youth raised enough money at Branches to buy a goat from Habitat for Humanity. We had a giant bucket sitting on the table with these children's hard earned money in it. One day it was there, and a few hours later, it was gone. Our children and youth and staff had been in and out of that building all day long. And yet, somehow, it managed to disappear, right under our noses. My boss could do nothing but laugh and make light of the situation. This is just to be added to the long list of things that have been stolen from Branches. I think having been raised in a community where people don't even lock their front doors, hearing and witnessing and coming to terms with the fact that this is reality and where I came from is an anomaly, is something that takes getting used to.

Question #3: “Wait, we eat like this for THREE meals a day?!”

These kids don't get the kind of nutrition they need. That was something that was taught to me early on in my stay here. I tried one of the first months that I was here to teach a nutrition course, only to have it fall apart at the seams when I came to the understanding that these kids don't have access to the right kinds of foods, so telling them that they should be eating vegetables and whole grains is kind of just mean. Unfortunately, in our culture, it is more affordable to buy your child a hamburger than it is to purchase them a fruit or vegetable. Why is this? Why do my kids eat things like hot cheetos for dinner? I have never seen kids eat so much in my life. Even the middle school girls. I looked around at the tables surrounding us at meal times, noticing the middle school girls from the other groups dump full plates of food into the trash because they were watching their weight and didn't “need” the complex carbohydrates. Meanwhile, our girls are going back for seconds and thirds and hiding food in their pockets. I guess sometimes we don't realize how good we have it.

The last thing that happened this weekend was the most interesting of all. We got there kind of late, considering we drove the furthest, so we had to wait to move our stuff into our cabins after everyone else. It turns out there were not enough beds all in the same area. Our kids were nervous about sleeping in a room without adults that they knew, so Audrey and I were prepared to pull mattresses on the floor and let them have the beds. Instead, our kids decided to “double bunk.” Two girls slept in one single, twin bunk bed. Granted, we have skinny middle school girls. But still. When I had friends over in middle school there's no way we would have slept in one twin bed together. That's the purpose of bunk beds. However, it became very apparent the next night, when we were able to sort through the bed dilemma, that most of these girls had never had a twin bed all to themselves. They have been double bunking their entire lives. That is all they knew. And for all I know, they may have even had to sleep with more than two people in a single bed.

It truly is amazing the things I have taken for granted my entire life. I am thankful for an exhausting weekend. I am thankful for the fun, for the laughter, and most of all I am thankful for the learning.

Mystery Machine

Thanks Mom, for always making my dreams come true...

(The driver's side door also looks like this, I just ran out of camera battery and can't show you. You'll have to use your imagination.)

MERGE.

Ok, I do realize what a stretch this is going to be. However, you should know it's been a long day. So, I pose a question to everyone from Texas. What do you do when you see a large, neon, orange arrow ahead of you in your lane of traffic? You know what, I can actually answer this question for you:

Texans

A Texan driver will see the large, bright, blinking arrow, acknowledge the fact that it means that the lane you are currently driving in will soon diminish, slow down, turn on their blinker, safely check their blind spot, merge into the lane next to them approximately 200 feet before the lane actually disappears, wave to the kind person who let them into the other lane, and continue on with their day.

South Floridians

A South Floridian driver will see the large, bright, blinking arrow, acknowledge the fact that it means that the lane you are currently driving in will soon diminish, speed up, drive as fast as they can until all of the cars have bottle-necked up at the end of the lane, slam on their brakes, make the "angry-Floridian-driver arm gesture," inch their way closer to the end of the lane, tailgate the person in front of them because, Heaven forbid, someone in the lane next to them actually get two inches ahead of them, wait until the last possible second, cut off the person next to them, *more angry arm gestures,* ending with traffic being back up for miles, simply because South Floridians don't know how to merge.

Can you tell I'm a little bitter this evening? I have mentioned the ridiculousness that is South Florida drivers before. "We ride low and we drive slow..." But it more than the fact that these people have all learned to drive in other countries and then all moved to the same area of the state to fight for who can drive the worst out of the South American countries.

I was sitting in traffic this evening. Unnecessary traffic, I might add. The road I have to take to and from work each day is under constant construction. If, like tonight, I leave work a little bit late, the "nightly closures" have already begun, thus closing down the major highway to one lane so that they can refinish the others. I'm sure that, YEARS after I am gone from South Florida that this will actually be a very decent road, however, right now, it's a pain in my neck. I sat in traffic tonight for about twenty minutes simply because people in South Florida don't know how to merge from two lanes into one. IT'S NOT HARD!

About half way through my raging, I realized I was acting very childish. Tonight in my Bible Study we talked about the prodigal son. The study actually had to do with relationships, but I am reaching here... I kind of had an epiphany right there on the turnpike tonight. I was so pissed off for so long watching these people whiz past me on the road. I was thinking, "I'm doing the right thing. I saw the flashing arrow and I moved over well in advance. YOU PEOPLE are doing the wrong thing. Waiting until the last possible second so that you can get ahead of everyone else. Thus actually holding everyone up so that there are near accidents and angry road raging individuals roaming the streets." I was ready to burst. Giving everyone that I looked down upon (literally looked down upon because I drive a fifteen passenger van with a lift...) a dirty look and a dirty thought to go along with it.

Then I had my thought. My first thought came about because my boss tonight in the Bible Study said something profound. It was actually directed at the youth, but she said, "Why can't we all just get along? Why can't we just be nice to one another?" And then I also recalled my pastor last Sunday talking about this "constant need to love others - even those on I-95." Those two thoughts converged in my head and exploded with one final thought about the prodigal son. I was having a very self-righteous "brother of the prodigal son" moment, thinking I was better than these people because I have been doing the right thing all along. Yes, these people cut me off. Yes these people are stupid and don't know how to drive. (Just kidding...I'm still bitter...) Yes, these people can be rude. A lot of people in this world can be rude. However, God loves them as much, if not more than me. Honestly, that thought changed my attitude. I stopped tailgating the person in front of me to let others in when they finally decided to merge. And, the greatest thing actually happened. The man who I let in, who I had been giving mean looks to and secretly pinching his head off for the last twenty minutes, actually gave me a friendly wave in the rear view mirror. My first friendly wave from a South Florida driver. It only took six months and a change of heart to get there.

Home.

Last weekend I watched my roommate and various other friends participate in a half marathon. The whole time I was watching these people run by (getting rather nauseous trying to find Julie...) I was getting more and more pumped up about running. That high has lasted through this week and has reenergized me on my morning runs. Enabling me to run farther and feel better about my exercise routine. When I run I preform what is known as "the cardinal sin" of runners. I wear head phones. And listen to music. If you are a true race runner, you know this is usually not even allowed at a race because you cannot fully understand what all is going on around you. But, I have to have music to run. Only one of the reasons why I will probably never achieve my goal of marathon running. This morning I turned up the music. Loud enough so that I couldn't hear my thoughts or the cat calls of my latino neighbors but soft enough so I could still hear the passing traffic. (Safety first, that's what I've always said...)

But, this morning on my run, I heard a song I had never heard before. It's by someone who I was just recently introduced to, Marc Scibilia. If you have the chance I fully recommend his album "From Brooklyn to Maine." I have recently been expanding my music collection and opening my mind to new artists and songs. So, when this song first came on my mp3 player, I wasn't sure what it was, however the song, "This World Ain't My Home" totally spoke to me. My whole life I have felt restless. Not able to stay in one location for more than a few years and more recently, not feeling like I have a permanent home. Not necessarily longing for these things of permanency, but often times feeling anxious and in flux. Anxious about where I will be working or living next year. Anxious about what I want to do with my life. Anxious about the tensions in my life of wanting to feel "in the moment" and yet needing to look forward. I think this song says it all. For me, for my anxieties, for my current life of flux. And hopefully, for some of you as well:

"This World Ain't My Home"

by Marc Scibilia

"I've been to Paris, I've been to Rome.

I've seen a little bit of the world that's known,

but it seems no matter where I go,

I know this world, it ain't my home.

I've got keys to a house that's on loan,

I've got keys to a car with rust and chrome.

I've keys to things I'll never own,

'cause I know this world, it ain't my home.

You take me so very close,

but I can't cut down this thought that grows,

that no matter where I rest or roam,

I know this world, it ain't my home.

Sometimes it seems a far off dream,

just in sight but out of reach,

I don't know where to go but I just keep going,

'cause I know this world, it ain't my home.

And I used to treasure jewels like years,

'till these ancient words met my ears.

Now a ruby's just another stone,

'cause I know this world, it ain't my home.

And you take me so very close,

but I can't cut down this thought that grows,

that no matter where I rest or roam,

I know this world, it ain't my home.

Maybe I could try to fall in love again,

find a little house with a picket fence,

but you know, you know that I, I am a travelin' man,

to a distant country and a far off land.

And when my time is used and done,

when I see that final settin' sun,

I'll leave everything I've ever known,

And that house above, it will be my home."

Haiti

By now, I am sure everyone has heard the news about the terrible tragedy that has overcome Port-au-Prince, Haiti. This earthquake has shaken the lives of the people who live there as well as so much of Southern Florida. Miami and surrounding areas like Florida City are so deeply connected culturally to Haiti. Most of the children and youth I work with have relatives in Haiti. Many of them have at least one parent still in Haiti.

After high school tutoring was over last night, Tony and I were driving around in the van dropping all the youth off at their houses. Many of them made remarks like, "I don't want to go home." And while, often times, they make these remarks in a joking manner (mostly to annoy Tony and I so we have to kick them out of the van...), this time we knew it was true for every single one of them. One girl said she didn't want to go home because she just couldn't take the crying anymore. She said her mom hasn't stopped crying since the news hit Florida. The hardest part about all of this sadness is that no one knows anything. Haiti is in a complete and total state of shock. Rescue crews don't even know where to begin. No communication comes in or out of the country, and therefore, so many of our families are in a similar and constant state of shock. It is the unknown that haunts so many of our youth and families at this point.

My roommates and I sat around a few nights ago praying, talking, and attempting to make any sense of the tragedy. The thing that we have come to realize at this point is there's not a whole lot we can personally do other than give to organizations that CAN do something. Some of the churches around the area are collecting clothes and material things. Which is good, and I do not want to discourage anyone from doing so, however, what the Haitian people need right now is emergency supplies. They need food, water, and medical care. So, if you are like us and do not know where to begin, but want to donate to legitimate organization that you know will be doing good, here's a list of some of the organizations sent out via email by South Florida Urban Ministries. I know there are tons more as well, I was just hoping to give people a starting point.

United Way is newly partnered with South Florida Urban Ministries and Branches. We received an email yesterday with this link letting us know they are doing all they can to help those in Haiti as well as those in South Florida who have relatives in Haiti.

If you haven't heard, the U.S. Department of State has made a fund that you can drop money in via your cell phone. U.S. Secretary of State Hilary Clinton was quoted this morning as saying that this fund already has $3 million in it going to the Red Cross for Haitian relief aid. Just text "Haiti" to 90999 and a donation of $10 will be made and billed to your next cell phone bill.

Mercy Corps is currently accepting donations.

Partners in Health is already on the ground and running operations in Haiti.

Yèle Haiti was established by Wyclef Jean and is also already on the ground in Haiti. You can text donations to this organization as well by texting "yele" to 501501. This will donate $5 to the Haitian relief fund.

The Mennonite Central Committee has been in Haiti since 1958 and is currently planning efforts.

The United Methodist Committee on Relief also has a long history of working in Haiti and is now leading earthquake relief. You can donate to UMCOR and 100% of your donations go directly to helping the victims.

I also got word that the Presbyterian Disaster Assistance is setting up funds. You can donate to PDA by directing your money to account number DR000064 within the Presbyterian Church.

I hope that some of these links will help. I'm afraid, at this point, that all we can do is pray. Pray for the families affected so terribly. Pray for the Haitians. Pray for the Florida City Community. Pray for South Florida. Pray for the Haitian government.

Just keep those prayers coming in.

Miss Understood

These are a few conversations that I have had with my youth over the past few months. Unfortunately these are direct quotes. Enjoy reading what I get to listen to on a daily basis. Welcome to my life.

Marcknal: "Miss, why does your hair look like that?"

Me: "Like what?"

Marcknal: "Like, all....yellow."

Me: "I think I was born with 'yellow' hair."

Marcknal: "What? That's impossible. It looks fake."

Me: "Well, thank you. But, what color hair were you born with?"

Marcknal: "I wasn't born with hair!"

Jasmine: "Miss, do you have a man?"

Me: "No."

Jasmine: "Oh, that's because you're fat and ugly."

Me: "Thank you for your honesty. And for reinforcing my junior high insecurities."

Valerry: "Miss, what are you?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Valerry: "Like, are you Haitian, Cuban, Salvadoran? What are you?"

Me: "I'm Texan."

Valerry: "GurlBeFo'Real."

Me: "I smell like a campfire!"

Yamilet: "Miss, that is NOT what you smell like."

Me: "Then what do I smell like?"

Yamilet: "Something BAD."

Tiger: "Miss, where you from?"

Me: "Texas."

Tiger: "What's that?"

Kevelyn: "Miss, aren't you from China? Do you eat pandas there?"

Me: "I don't know, I'm from Korea. We eat rice."

Kevelyn: "Ohhhh."

(And yes...I have given up on attempting to fight the fact that my kids think I look Chinese.)

Alait: "Miss, were you with your girlfriend on New Year's Eve?"

Me: "Yes, I was with my girlfriends on New Year's."

Alait: "WHAT?! You're a lesbian??"

Me: "What? No...you call your friends girlfriends."

Alait: "Who calls their friends girlfriends?"

Me: "Lots of people." (Thinking that I should insert "My grandmother, for example...")

Alait: "Like girls who date other girls?"

Me: "Nevermind."

Stephanie: "Miss, THAT'S your car?"

Me: "Yes. Do you like it?"

Stephanie: "No. Does it actually make it here from Miami??"

Me: "What?! It's a good car! And I'm standing here, aren't I? So I must have made it from Miami?"

Stephanie: "Is it going to make it back to Miami?"

Me: "I don't know..."

Brunia: "Miss, how many people do you live with?"

Me: "Four."

Brunia: "Oh. Five girls in a house must suck."

Me: "No, two of them are boys."

Brunia: "Isn't it a sin to live with a boy before you are married?"

Me: "Well, I'm not dating both of them!"

Brunia: "Oh, so which one ARE you dating?"


Mike: "Miss, you eas'in' me?!"
Me: "No..."
Mike: "Yes you is."
Me: "Yeah...I don't actually know what that means."

You truly have to admire kids. For their blunt honesty if nothing else...