Lessons from a Tropical Storm

Wednesday morning, my coworker walked up to me and said, "What's our hurricane plan?" I looked at her and said, "Open all the doors and windows and yell, 'COME AND TAKE IT?'" She didn't find my humor very funny because it turns out it was a serious question. She then informed the rest of the staff that there was a tropical storm that could form into a hurricane by Friday. So, we decided to cancel all our programming on Friday for the tropical storm that was later named, "Bonnie."

Thursday afternoon was a whirlwind of stress. We had a mission team of about 30 helping out at Branches as well as a youth choir of 72 visiting. We had to water proof everything in case the ceiling leaked liked it did in the last big storm. Then, when we finally thought we had a second to relax, there was a roll-over car accident in our parking lot. (Thankfully no one was hurt...) Thursday was insane. To say the least.

However, Friday finally came around. I got to sleep in. It was possibly the most beautiful day of sleep I have ever been a part of. It was raining and windy and it didn't matter because I was safe and warm inside of my bed. I got some work done in the morning, and then spent the day lounging around. I was content. I was resting. I was relaxing from possibly the most stressful summer of my life. And then the phone rang. It was my boss. (Now, I should probably preface this next sentence by letting everyone know that "tropical storm" Bonnie was pretty lame. She had passed through South Florida by noon and left blue skies and sunshine.) My boss tells me that we are going to have our Friday night youth service and on top of that, we needed to meet early to put the outdoor shade tent back together, since we took it down for the storm. I am not sure I have ever wanted to do anything less in my entire life. I was so angry that my day of rest had been taken away from me that I was literally filled up with tears.

I showed up to work, we successfully put the tent back together, and the night was off and running. I was obviously upset about being at work in the first place, and still detoxing from a really tough week when one of my youth came up to me and hurt my feelings in a way that only she knew how to do. I was at the end of my rope. I was finally broken. I went into the bathroom and had a good cry. I was so angry about having to show up to work when I wasn't supposed to. I was so angry to get the chance at some rest and then to have it stolen away from me. Those feelings snowballed into thinking that my work in Florida City is useless and these kids don't appreciate the fact that I don't sleep because I am up doing work for them at all hours of the day and night. (I told you it was a bad week...)

I managed to pull myself together and continue on with the night. I prayed that God would show me why I was needed there. As always, God did answer my prayers. I realized, through the course of the night and through talking with different youth, how selfish I was acting. Yes, I was exhausted and yes, I'd had a bad week. But, that doesn't mean I have to take it out on my kids. God showed me that night just how much our kids need Branches. I was so excited to go through a tropical storm/hurricane in South Florida because I was told that people gather together and take time off work and hang out. That sounded like the greatest way to spend some quality time together. Well, after talking with our youth, I realized that's basically their nightmare. Being stuck inside their miniscule homes with close to twenty of their closest relatives who yell and are drunks and say harsh words to hurt them intentionally is possibly the worst scenario they can picture in their minds. By 3:00 pm, most of our youth were calling and texting and begging us to have Branches tonight, because, if nothing else, they would be able to go somewhere and get out of their houses.

That was a reality check. One I needed very badly. It turned out to be an amazing night. Full of passion, worship, good music, and a really great and intense game of volleyball. It was definitely what we all needed.

Somebody Loved.

It never ceases to amaze me how things can change and have different meanings based on the context of my life. For so long in my life I have searched for acceptance and love in other people. In middle school I remember how badly I wanted to fit in with the "cool" group of girls. So badly in fact, that I changed who I was, what music I listened to, and how I acted towards others. I lost a lot of friends and was so mean to so many people trying to find acceptance in a group that I thought I needed to be a part of. Throughout high school and college I tried to "find myself" and often would do anything to seek the love and acceptance of anyone. I hurt a lot of people in those ways as well. The past few years, I have tried to find acceptance in romantic relationships. Yet another place where where affirmation did not ensue and heartache instead took over. It has only been through the course of this year and this journey where I have realized that the only place we can go, and really the only place we NEED to go is to God. Going to God is the only place where full love and acceptance and affirmation will occur. Last night in our Bible study with the youth, we talked about the idea that God is always with us and we read Psalm 118, part of which says, "It is better to go to the Lord for safety than to trust in mere men." On the way home from work this evening I happened to pop in a CD that was made for me by a previous boyfriend. On it there was a song called "Somebody Loved." At the time, during the relationship, I thought it was a great song because it was an affirmation of the feelings that I was feeling and searching for in "mere men." Tonight, I realized what the Psalmist was actually trying to write on my heart. We do not need to continuously search for those feelings from mere men because God gives us all the love and affirmation we will ever need. This song has taken on new meaning in my life truly knowing that I am "Somebody Loved."

Somebody Loved

by The Weepies

Rain turns the sand into mud.

Wind turns the trees into bone.

Stars turning high up above.

You turn me into somebody loved.

Nights when the heat had gone out,

We danced together alone.

Cold turned our breath into clouds.

We never said what we were dreaming of,

But you turned me into somebody loved.

Someday when we're old and worn,

Like two softened shoes.

I will wonder on how I was born

The night I first ran away from you.

Now my feet turn the corner back home

Sun turns the evening to rose

Stars turning high above

You turn me into somebody loved.