Miss Understood

These are a few conversations that I have had with my youth over the past few months. Unfortunately these are direct quotes. Enjoy reading what I get to listen to on a daily basis. Welcome to my life.

Marcknal: "Miss, why does your hair look like that?"

Me: "Like what?"

Marcknal: "Like, all....yellow."

Me: "I think I was born with 'yellow' hair."

Marcknal: "What? That's impossible. It looks fake."

Me: "Well, thank you. But, what color hair were you born with?"

Marcknal: "I wasn't born with hair!"

Jasmine: "Miss, do you have a man?"

Me: "No."

Jasmine: "Oh, that's because you're fat and ugly."

Me: "Thank you for your honesty. And for reinforcing my junior high insecurities."

Valerry: "Miss, what are you?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Valerry: "Like, are you Haitian, Cuban, Salvadoran? What are you?"

Me: "I'm Texan."

Valerry: "GurlBeFo'Real."

Me: "I smell like a campfire!"

Yamilet: "Miss, that is NOT what you smell like."

Me: "Then what do I smell like?"

Yamilet: "Something BAD."

Tiger: "Miss, where you from?"

Me: "Texas."

Tiger: "What's that?"

Kevelyn: "Miss, aren't you from China? Do you eat pandas there?"

Me: "I don't know, I'm from Korea. We eat rice."

Kevelyn: "Ohhhh."

(And yes...I have given up on attempting to fight the fact that my kids think I look Chinese.)

Alait: "Miss, were you with your girlfriend on New Year's Eve?"

Me: "Yes, I was with my girlfriends on New Year's."

Alait: "WHAT?! You're a lesbian??"

Me: "What? No...you call your friends girlfriends."

Alait: "Who calls their friends girlfriends?"

Me: "Lots of people." (Thinking that I should insert "My grandmother, for example...")

Alait: "Like girls who date other girls?"

Me: "Nevermind."

Stephanie: "Miss, THAT'S your car?"

Me: "Yes. Do you like it?"

Stephanie: "No. Does it actually make it here from Miami??"

Me: "What?! It's a good car! And I'm standing here, aren't I? So I must have made it from Miami?"

Stephanie: "Is it going to make it back to Miami?"

Me: "I don't know..."

Brunia: "Miss, how many people do you live with?"

Me: "Four."

Brunia: "Oh. Five girls in a house must suck."

Me: "No, two of them are boys."

Brunia: "Isn't it a sin to live with a boy before you are married?"

Me: "Well, I'm not dating both of them!"

Brunia: "Oh, so which one ARE you dating?"


Mike: "Miss, you eas'in' me?!"
Me: "No..."
Mike: "Yes you is."
Me: "Yeah...I don't actually know what that means."

You truly have to admire kids. For their blunt honesty if nothing else...