Sunday, November 8, 2009

Where is God?

The other day at Bible study, we studied hell. Quite a daunting topic, I must say. I am in charge of writing all the Bible studies and it was a very hard one to wrap my head around. I have to be in the right mood to write a Bible study, and with everything that was going on in the outside world with my personal external forces, I couldn't center myself enough to focus on writing on this particular day. I finally ended up getting something down on paper and had my boss tweak it a bit for Tuesday night: Bible study night. I have to say, despite being a little nervous to see how they would respond, I don't think I was quite prepared for their reactions. They enjoyed this study. More than I have ever seen them enjoy anything at Branches. I teach the 8th and 9th grade girls and I have never heard so many questions fly out of their mouths at once.

My supervisor had told me to write on this topic because it's something they don't really know about. Their vision of hell comes from what their parents and friends have told them and what the media has sold them. They have never actually opened their Bibles as far back as Revelation. They found it fascinating. Which I, of course, was very pleased to see. However, their questions made it hard to actually get all the way through the Bible study (to the Good News!)

I have one girl who is a freshman in high school and comes to Branches everyday, but always with a terrible attitude and a scowl on her face. I actually do not like it when she shows up to Bible study and secretly hope that she doesn't walk in the door every Tuesday. But, every time, without fail, she walks through that door. (And my heart sinks just a bit knowing I will have to deal with her difficult attitude and mouthiness.) She always tells people she's not a Christian and she doesn't believe in God. But, she shows up to Branches everyday, including Bible study and church, and participates, and obviously enjoys herself (despite what her face and actions tell us) because she keeps coming back. Day after day after day. I think she kind of uses the fact that she is a newly deemed "atheist" (she just found out what that meant...) as a way of not taking responsibility for her actions. She knows that if she gets caught cheating or lying or if she goes out drinking or smoking with her friends that she won't have to answer to anyone, because she's "not a Christian." Regardless of the reasoning behind it, she asked some very insightful questions that night. She kept spitting out things like, "if God loves us so much, why does he let good people die so young?" And "how come there's a rapist running free, but an honest man dies of cancer?" Questions, mostly about God and His character that I honestly didn't have very good answers to. Finally, she said something that made me pause and realize I had no answer for her because I was in the same boat. She said, "I think I am going to consider myself and atheist until God speaks to me." (It sounded quite juvenile at first...) But then she kept going, "You know, cause all the time I pray to God for help and I cry out to Him and I ask Him to keep my family safe and nothing happens. The same bad stuff keeps happening and nothing that I do or say can fix it."

That statement hit me hard. So much so that I just kind of sat there staring at her. I finally managed to tell her that as cliche as it sounded, she needed to make an effort to get to know God in a different way. Prayer is good, but it can be helpful to open her Bible too. (She didn't like that answer.) But it actually helped me maybe a little more than it helped her because I realized I needed to take my own advice. I had been feeling the exact same thing that she had just put into words. I have been looking for God and not finding Him anywhere. As it says in Job, "But if I go to the east, He is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find Him. When He is at work in the north, I do not see Him; when He turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of Him."

I sat in on a rather impromptu church service this morning at a new church (seeing as how I am STILL shopping.) It was impromptu because the main pastor had been called to help out at Ft. Hood Saturday evening and someone had to fill in for her and completely change the service the night before. However, the man filling in did a great job. The title of this blog happened to be the title of his sermon. Where is God? In the midst of all of this hatred and grieving and destruction and death, where is He? In the back of my head every once in a while would pop up the old saying, "if you don't feel as close to God as you used to, guess who moved?" But I always dismissed this and continued on with my busy day. Burying God further and further beneath the work load and external forces of my life. This sermon today, along with the happenings at Bible study, made me realize. I have moved. I have shifted. Farther and farther away from God to a place where I no longer even recognized Him in my life. It was a tough realization; however, I now feel that I can slowly start rebuilding the relationships that I have lost and torn down over the past few years.

2 comments:

Special K said...

Okay so this last post made me think alot and it made me think of a book that I just got done reading...called The Shack. Have you read it? If you haven't, I honestly think you need to because it opens your eyes to so many new things. You will look at God in a whole new light. In fact, you might even want to share part of the book with the young teen who struggles with why God lets bad things happen to good people. The Shack helps answer that question, and made dealing with tough situations alot easier to face. If you haven't read it let me know...I can pass the book on!

colleen.shattuck said...

there's a reason you are there...and there's a reason that "athiest" girl w/ the attitude keeps showing up every Tuesday...and I'm pretty sure the reason is the same...are you SURE you don't get answers from God when you pray? that girl keeps showing up...I'm just sayin'